destiny_key | Recolle

[Sora gaped at Sorey for a long moment, his eyes wide, trying to process what it was that had just happened.

He knew he was failing. Of course he knew, it was obvious to anyone who looked at his school work for even a moment. His test grades were terrible, and he was tired all the time, so tired he slept in class and then couldn't do his homework. Even when he was awake, anything he learned in school was slipping in one ear and out the other.

It's not Sorey's fault. He's a wonderful tutor, and he tries to help as best he can, but it's not like he can do the work for him. Something just... wasn't clicking, and more and more Sora felt like a failure who couldn't remember basic math equations. If he failed, he'd have to repeat the year, and how embarrassing was that, having to repeat senior year? Wasn't this year supposed to be easy?

If he failed, he'd be left behind even more, all his friends moving on to bigger and better things, falling even further behind Shiori, who had the brains to do anything he wanted. He wished he could be even half as smart as him.

A chill runs down his spine, and he drops his gaze down to the table. He almost wants to cry.]

I'm sorry.

[Sorey gets up and moves over to Sora's side. He can see his heart breaking and all the denial running out of the cracks. Sora's tried to smile for so long... and he can't do it anymore. Sorey knows what that's like. He looked the same way when his grandfather died and he almost flunked out of college.]

It's okay, [he says gently, and reaches out to place a hand on Sora's shoulder.] It's okay. Acknowledging it is the hardest part, I promise.

[His eyes are clear and green and bright.]

I know you can do this.

I'm sorry...

[He repeats himself, because he can't think of anything else. His thoughts are going around and around in a loop that he can't break free from, and the negativity is threatening to drag him under the surface.

His shoulders start to shake, eyes wet and half a sob escaping his mouth, and he can't bring himself to look up at his tutor. He doesn't want to see the disappointment or pity. He's had enough of those looks in his lifetime. Does Sorey really believe in him, or is he just saying that because he has to? It's getting harder to tell the difference.

All he can think about is how tired he is. He'll never be as good as his brother at school, so what's the point? Why does he still play soccer, when he's only on the team to fill a spot? He keeps going along with all the Retrospec nonsense, but all it does is make his heart hurt more and drive a wedge between himself and everyone else. He always tries to smile for everyone else, but what's the point if no one cares?

But Sorey's still here, waiting on an answer, and Sora can feel the weight of his hand on his shoulder. He should probably say something. He takes a second to steel himself before he opens his mouth.]

Don't...

[He pauses, and tries again.]

You... I don't...

[He doesn't know what to say. What does Sorey want him to say? Half of him wants to beg Sorey for help, the other half just wants to cry until this whole mess goes away. Everything just feels like a big mess.]

[Sora is crumbling to pieces in front of him and Sorey can't sit idly by. Usually he maintains a sort of professional distance, warm and open without really allowing his own cracks to show; he doesn't normally get physical, either, as an adult. But this situation definitely calls for it. His hand lifts from Sora's shoulder, the only warning the boy gets before Sorey wraps his arms around him entirely.]

It's okay to cry.

[He gently holds Sora's head against his shoulder, warm and protective all at once.]

It's hard. It's so hard. But you don't have to pretend around me, okay? I get it. [His grip tightens slightly.] You can't take this all on by yourself. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but please don't keep it all in-- you'll only get hurt.

[It feels like his brain is broken. It feels like he's broken. Like a short-circuiting robot that can only do one action on a loop until it dies.

In the end, Sora opts for crying, and when Sorey wraps his arms around him, he can't help but collapse bonelessly into the older boy. He's still tired, he's so, so tired, and he knows it's just making everything worse, but everything is coming apart at the seams and he's reached his limit. He starts to sob into Sorey's shoulder without restraint.

He's tired of being sad. Sorey being here makes him so grateful,
that someone would bother to listen to him like this and tell him it was okay. When was the last time that happened? He's unsure,
and the thought makes him cry harder. No one, aside from Minako,
had even cared.]

Oh, Sora.

[He hugs the boy a bit tighter, recognizing that this is keeping him grounded. He lets Sora cling if he wants, but otherwise, Sorey rubs his back in slow, soft circles to help relax him.]

I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I didn't want to pressure you somehow or make things worse... I should've just said something when it started.

We'll get through this, I promise. You're not alone in this.

[He takes a while to calm down, only aware of the fact that someone is holding him and that his face is pressed into their shoulder. Your shirt is going to be wet and gross by the end of this, sorry Sorey, but Sora can't really bring himself to care at the moment.

It's only after the sobbing subsides that the embarrassment of having just lost it in front of his tutor starts to set in a little. Not to mention the further feeling of exhaustion from having just cried his eyes out. His voice is quiet when he speaks, cracking slightly.]

Sorry...

[Sorey holds him patiently until the deluge has waned some. His shirt is pretty gross, but... that's okay. It'll go in the wash when he gets home and that will be that. He pulls back slightly when Sora speaks again. His smile is soft and encouraging.]

Sorry for what?

[He tops it off with a gently ruffle of Sora's hair.]

You're fine. Let me get you a tissue or something, okay?

'Kay...

[He waits patiently for the older boy to come back with the tissues so he can mop up his face, and maybe save himself from further humiliation. The embarrassment is really starting to seep in now, and it makes Sora feel like a little kid. He worked so hard to be okay, to make himself seem like a grown up, but it seems that that's out the window now. He feels like an idiot. He's only grateful that Sorey's not likely to judge him for it.

Where does he go from here? He can't tell how to move forward, but he can't go back either. Everything's just a mess.]

[Sorey comes back with an entire box of tissues. He doesn't think they'll need all of them, of course, but it's much better if he doesn't have to go running back and forth. He sets them on the table next to Sora.]

Here you go.

[He won't say anything until Sora's properly had a chance to blow his nose and gather himself.]

[Sora immediately reaches for the tissues, pulling out a few and wipes his eyes and face. He probably looks like a mess, but it probably doesn't matter, with just the two of them. He definitely feels a little better without dried tears sticking to his cheeks.]

...Thanks...

[His voice is soft and hoarse, but he is grateful. Sorey's been terribly kind, and gone above and beyond just a tutor, and it means a lot to him.]

[He smiles tenderly and reaches up to run his fingers through Sora's hair, much like Sorey's mom did to him growing up.]

Wanna talk about it?

I... Maybe...

[He kind of does, but he's not sure he can handle breaking down again right now. He does feel a little better now, but his thoughts are still so jumbled up in his head he can't tell where one ends and where one begins. How would he even begin to try to explain it?]

M-maybe later...

[Right now, he's content to just sit here together.]

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